What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
