I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
