You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
