Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
