Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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