Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
