We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
