trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
