you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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