k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
