Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
