I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
