are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
