Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
