That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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