What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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