If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize