I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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