i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
