I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
