That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
