I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
