Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
