Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Randomize
