Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
