Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize