apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
