I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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