just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize