Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
