dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize