he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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