ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
