There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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