Screwed.edu
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
