Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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