Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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