It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
