I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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