How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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