Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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