we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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