i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
