i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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