Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
