Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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