i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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