areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
