You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
