just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
