She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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