i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
