He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Randomize
