I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize