Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
