Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
