I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
im six kinds of drunk right now
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
