he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
