please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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