thus making me awesome and them whores
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I will pee on everything he values.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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