i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
