Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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