Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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