fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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