Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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