she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
