After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
