is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
