If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
