this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
