did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
