Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
