broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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