summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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