On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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