A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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