She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
