i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm getting married
To pizza
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
