I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
